Ill-Advised

Let's review a list of ill-advised kitchen implement purchases I have made.

No. 1: The mini muffin pan. Once upon a time I went to someone's house for a playdate and they served miniature carrot cake with raisins muffins as refreshments. I decided this was super cool so I used a 30% off coupon to buy one for myself. I have made miniature muffins one time. That is when I realized that my children don't have miniature stomachs. They ate 26 muffins each and I realized that I could have fed them much more efficiently if I had baked normal sized muffins. Also, I don't actually like baking muffins.

No. 2: The super awesome pizza stone. This seems like a home run. We eat pizza at least once a week. Usually home made or at the very least take and bake from Papa Murphy's – which is to say we’ve made our own pizza like one time in the past year and picked up pizza at a take and bake place almost once a week since 2004. You don't need a stone. But I have a rather heavy, super-duty pizza baking stone in my cupboard. Let’s not overlook how hard it is to find a cupboard that can accommodate its girth.

No. 3: The eggs Benedict pan. If I remember correctly, I paid a measly $16 for a pan that was designed to make it easier to make eggs Benedict. I have never even tried, not once. I bought the pan because I love eggs Benedict; it is usually the thing I order from a restaurant when I eat breakfast out. (Well, when I'm not ordering biscuits and gravy.) I love the dish so much that I'm afraid to try cooking it and ruin it in my taste memory forever. Also, I'm lazy.

No. 4: The 3-shapes melon baller from Crate&Barrel. Ummmmm, I’m allergic to all melons. True story. But I actually bought myself the melon baller set from CB. Just once I would like to go to a party and notice they have balled their melon into star shapes and beehive shapes. Come to think of it, I can’t remember the last time I saw melons balled at all, is this a  trend of the past?

And while we're at it, let's make a list of kitchen implements that I was given but would never have purchased nor seen a need for. And since owning have learned that they are remarkably useful and worth every penny. I'll be listing these in reverse order so as to be a little more dramatic.

Fourth Runner Up

The egg white separator.

Don’t actually buy one of these. But the Pyrex set that includes one. It actually hooks onto the side of the Pyrex measuring cups so you can divide your eggs from their yolks, hands free! Yes, that’s fancy. But I actually like mine. Surprise.

Third Runner Up

The salad spinner.

Even in the days of pre-washed salad bags the salad spinner is a must. I’ve gone through a couple of these in the past decade. I really can’t live without one. But they are a pain to store in the kitchen.

Second Runner Up

The apple corer slicer dicer.

I have children under the age of 8, of course I use this to slice apples. Everyone knows that when your children start loosing their teeth an apple is the last thing they will bite into. I also use them (yes, I have more than one) to cut up onions for fajitas and stir fry. But do not, I repeat do not try it on potatoes. That will not work and will result in you buying a new apple corer slicer dicer. If you are in the market for such a thing, don’t blow your budget. Just pick one up at the dollar store or IKEA. Those are honestly just as good.

First Runner Up

The salad scissors.

I use the salad scissors to cut up big pieces of greens. I also use it to cut up hot dogs – well, actually I did that more when my little kids were at risk of choking on hot dogs. I use the salad scissors to cut just about anything that needs to be cut but at the time it needs cutting I’m too lazy to reach down and pull out a cutting board. Buy one, that’s all I’m saying.  

And the Winner of the most Awesome Kitchen Implement in my possession is:

The Knitted Dish Rag

OK, so technically this isn't an implement. But I've just discovered the beauty of them. The knitted little knots make a natural scrubber and they clean up granite so beautifully. At first I was afraid that it would get all stinky like a sponge. Then I was afraid that by using it to clean the really dirty stuff it would be spoiled. But truly, it cleans up so easy on the Deep Steam Cycle of my washer. You can buy one from my friend Katrine here. Not kidding, they are fab.